Category: Soft Skills and Mind Hacks Page 1 of 3

As a long-time fan of How to Win Friends and Influence People, I was excited read this book. Especially the early sections I found very interesting and useful. Some of the later sections feel dated and less relevant. The ideas I found most useful were:

• If you are worried about something, write out:
  1. What am I worrying about?
  2. What is the worst that can possibly happen?
  3. [Accept it and imagine it happening.]
  4. What can I do about it?
  5. [Then do something about it right away.]
• “When I am up against a tough situation, if I can do anything about it, I do it. If I can’t, I just forget it. I never worry about the future, because I know no man living can possibly figure out what is going to happen in the future.”
• Check the facts, and come to a decision, then stick to it unless new facts come to light.
• “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.”
• “Instead of worrying about ingratitude, let’s expect it.. the only way to find happiness is not to expect gratitude, but to give for the joy of giving.”
• “Count your blessings, not your troubles!” — find out what is good in your present situation.
• “Happiness is not mostly pleasure; it is mostly victory.”
• “The really important thing is to profit from your losses. That requires intelligence.”
• Do a good deed every day – ie, one that brings a smile of joy on the face of another.
• Unjust criticism? Just laugh.
• Ask for advice: “Won’t you please tell me what I did that was wrong when I tried to do XYZ? You are far more experienced and successful than I am. Please give me your criticism. Be frank. Don’t pull your punches.”
• According to Henry Ford, how to increase energy and endurance: “I never stand up when I can sit down; and I never sit down when I can lie down”.
• Relax muscles of face and eyes, relax the tension in your body (do it often) to have more energy.
• Laugh at your sillier worries, you can laugh them out of existence.

Billed as “a field guide to modern marketing”, I found this book a highly interesting read, especially the second half. It is a guide to marketing services (“the invisible”). Some of the stand outs points for me were:

• “Forget looking like the superior choice. Make yourself an excellent choice. Then eliminate anything that might make you a bad choice.” Ie, address any risks in peoples’ minds, rather than trying to show you are better than all other options. It is very hard to tell if a service was the best, but it is easy to tell if it was bad. Eliminate the fear.
• “Setting your price is like setting a screw. A little resistance is a good sign.” Beckwith argues that 10% of people will always complain about the price. Resistance in about 10% more (total 20%) is about right. “When it [resistance] starts exceeding 25%, scale back.”
• Often you are competing against apathy (doing nothing) or the person themselves doing the work.. not another firm.
• “Don’t assume that logical pricing is smart pricing. Maybe your price, which makes you like like a good value, actually makes you look second-rate”.
• “The premium service and the low-cost provider occupy nice niches all by themselves. If you are priced in between, however, you are competing with almost everyone”.
• “Don’t start by positioning your service. Instead leverage the position you have.” eg, Avis ads repeated for years “We’re Number Two. We try harder.”
• “In positioning, don’t try to hide your small size. Make it work by stressing its advantages, such as responsiveness and individual attention.”
• “If you’re selling a service, you’re selling a relationship.. before you try to satisfy ‘the client’, understand and satisfy the person.. In large part, service marketing is a popularity content.. be personable.”
• “A brand is more than a symbol. In the public’s eye, a brand is a warranty. It is a promise that the service carrying that brand will live up to its name, and perform.. a service is a promise, and building a brand builds your promise.. Invest in and religiously preach integrity. It is the heart of your brand… Brands are decision-making shortcuts [for busy people].. Make selling easier, faster and cheaper. Build a brand… A brand is money.”
• “Selling a service involved personal risks [rejection etc].. risk yourself.”
• “Saying many things usually communicates nothing.. Meet your market’s very first need: Give it one good reason… After you say one thing, repeat it again and again. Watch and perfect the visual clues you send.. repeat yourself visually, too.. Give your marketing a human face.”
• Be genuine and honest, show your passion.
• “Take advantage of the Recency Effect. Follow up brilliantly.”
• “Execute passionately. Marginal tactics executed passionately almost always will outperform brilliant tactics executed marginally.”
• “Above all, sell hope.”
• “Your parents were right. Say thank you. Often.”

You might think that a book first published in 1959 would be hopelessly dated. But no, “The Magic of Thinking Big” I found an interesting and inspiring read, with most outdated bits easily applicable to more modern parallels (or ignored if too cringeworthy :-). Most chapters have an explanation, supporting stories and clear actions. It’s pretty quick reading as a result, but worth going back over some of the actions more carefully. It is almost funny in parts with how hard the author pushes his points, and full of great anecdotes.

OK, so what is the book about? I’m going to give you some of my favourite bits.

It’s a fine day, and I will succeed

Production in your thought factory is under the charge of two foremen, one of whom we will call Mr Triumph, and the other Mr Defeat. Mr Triumph is in charge of manufacturing positive thoughts. He specializes in producing reasons why you can, why you're qualified, why you will... Mr Defeat produces negative, deprecating thoughts. He is your expert on developing reasons why you can't why you're weak, ...Tell yourself 'Today is a lousy day.'. This signals Mr Defeat into action, and he manufactures some facts to prove you are right.. Mr Defeat is tremendously efficient. In just a few moments, he's got you sold. It is a bad day. 

But tell yourself 'Today is a fine day' and Mr Triumph is signalled forward to act. He tells you 'This is a wonderful day'.. and then it is a good day'. Mr Defeat will convince you that you will fail, while Mr Triumph will demonstrate why you will succeed... 

Now; the more work you give either of these two foremen, the stronger he becomes. If Mr Defeat is given more work to do, he adds personnel and takes up more space in your mind. Eventually, he will take over the entire thought-manufacturing division, and virtually all thought will be of a negative nature. The only wise thing to do is fire Mr Defeat. You don't want him around telling you that you can't you're not up to it, you'll fail and so on... Use Mr Triumph 100% of the time. When any thought enters your mind, ask Mr Triumph to go to work for you. He'll show you how you can succeed...

Let the master thought 'I will succeed' dominate your thinking process. Thinking success conditions your mind to create plans that produce success. Thinking failure does the exact opposite.

Kicking health excusitis

'Bad' health, in a thousand different forms, is used as an excuse for failing to do what a person wants to do, ... failing to achieve success... Looking and looking and looking for an illness often actually produces illness... 

One fellow [with a mild case of diabetes]... belongs to that fraternity of the living dead. Obsessed with a fear of the weather, he is usually ridiculously bundled up. He's afraid of infection, so he shuns anybody who has the slightest sniffle. He's afraid of overexertion, so he does almost nothing. He spends most of his mental energy worry about what might happen. He bores other people telling them "how awful" his problem really is... the other extreme .. he has a severe case, .. but he is not living to be sick. He is living to enjoy his work and have fun. One day he said to me, 'Sure it is an inconvenience, but so is shaving. But I'm not going to think myself to bed. When I take those shots, I just praise the guys who discovered insulin...'

Refuse to talk about your health. The more you talk about an ailment.. the worse it seems to get. Besides, .. it bores people. Refuse to worry about your health... Just being grateful for the health you have is a powerful vaccination against developing new aches and pains and real illness.. Life is yours to enjoy. Don't waste it.

Fear

Isolate your fear. Pin it down. Determine exactly what you are afraid of. Then take action. There is some kind of action for any kind of fear. And remember, hesitation only enlarges, magnifies the fear. Take action promptly. Be decisive."

Memory management

Deposit only positive thoughts in your memory bank... everyone encounters plenty of unpleasant, .. discouraging situations.. Most individuals I try to help .. are operating in their own private museum of mental horror. A person can make a mental monster out of almost any unpleasant happening... Don't build mental monsters. Refuse to withdraw the unpleasant thoughts from your memory bank. When you remember situations of any kind, concentrate on the good parts of the experience; forget the bad. bury it. If you find yourself thinking about the negative side, turn your mind off completely.

When meeting important people

Think "We're just two important people sitting down to discuss something of mutual interest and benefit".

Vocab

Use big, positive, cheerful words and phrases to describe how you feel.. to describe other people... to encourage others.. to outline plans to others. When people hear something like this: "Here is some good news. We face a genuine opportunity.." their minds start to sparkle. But when they hear something like "Whether we like it or not, we've got a job to do", the mind movie is dull and boring and they react accordingly. Promise victory and watch eyes light up. Promise victory and win support. Build castles, don't dig graves!

See what can be, not just what is

Look at things not as they are, but as they can be. Visualization adds value to everything. A big thinker always visualizes what can be done in the future. He isn't stuck with the present... Practice adding value to things, to people and to yourself.

Avoid arguments and petty frustration

Ask "Is it really important?"... "Is it important enough for me to get all worked up about?". Think above trivial things. Focus your attention on big objectives.

Thinking big examples

Views the future as limited .VS. sees the future as promising

Magnifies minor errors. Turns them into big issues .VS. ignores errors of little consequence

Looks for ways to avoid work .VS. Looks for more ways and things to do, especially helping others

Sets goals low .VS. Sets goals high

Impossible?

When you believe something is impossible, your mind goes to work for you to prove why. But when you believe, really believe, something can be done, your mind goes to work for you and helps you find the ways to do it.

Listening & Ideas

Big people monopolize the listening.
Small people monopolize the talking...
ask "How do you feel about it?" "What do you recommend?" "What would you do under these circumstances?"

A leader is a decision-making human machine... ideas of others help to spark your own ideas so your mind is more creative...
Be receptive to new ideas. Be experimental. Try new approaches, be progressive in everything you do... Get stimulated. Associate with people who can help you think of new ideas... mix with people of different occupational and social interests. Circulate in new groups. Discover new and stimulating things to do.

Listen and learn.

Work

When asked, "What are you doing?", the first bricklaer replied, "Laying brick.", the second answered, "Making $9.30 an hour." And the third said, "Me? Why, I'm building the world's greatest cathedral."

Think your work is important. Think this way, and you will receive mental signals on how to do your job better. Think your work is important, and your subordinates will think their work is important too.

People you hang out with

Make your environment work for you, not against you. Don't let suppressive forces - the negative, you can't do it people - make you think defeat.

Take the initiative in building friendships. Introduce yourself to others at every opportunity. Make sure you get the other person's name straight, and make sure he gets your name straight too. Drop a personal note to your new friends you want to know better.

Accept human differences and limitations. Remember the other person has a right to be different.. and don't be a reformer [try and change people].

Enthusiasm

To activate others, you must first activate yourself. To get enthusiasm about anything - people, places, things - dig into it deeper... Just dig in deeper and you dig up interest.

In everything you do, life it up. Enthusiasm, or lack of it, shows though in everything you do and say... life up your smiles.. your thank you ... your talk.. 

Don't blame others when you receive a setback... instead of sulking or quitting in a huff, [reason] things out. Ask yourself, "What could I do to make myself deserving of the next opportunity?" Don't berate yourself. Plan to win next time.

Spread good news. Broadcasting good news activates you, makes you feel better. Broadcasting good news makes other people feel better too.

Make people feel important

Practice appreciation by letting others know how you depend on them. An earnest "Jim, I don't know what we'd do without you" type of remark.."

Practice appreciation with honest personalised compliments.. compliment people on .. big accomplishments .. [and] little things: their appearance, the way they do their routine work, their ideas, their loyal efforts.. [write] personal notes, make a special phone call or special trip to see them. 

Call people by name.. it gives everyone a boost to be addressed by name. 

Don't hog glory, invest it instead.. pass praise down on to your subordinates, where it will encourage still greater performance. When you share praise, your subordinates know you sincerely appreciate their value. 

Grow the "service first" attitude, and watch money take care of itself. Make it a rule in everything you do: give people more than they expect to get.

When you help others feel important, you help yourself feel important too.

Family time

I've worked out a schedule that enables me to give attention to my family as well as to my work. From 7.30 to 8.30 every evening, I devote my time to my two young children. I play games with them, read them stories, draw, answer questions - anything they want me to do. After an hour with those kids of mine, they're not only satisfied, but I'm 100 fresher. At 8.30 they trot off to bed, and I settle down to work for 2 hours.

At 10.30 I quit working and spend the next hour with my wife. We talk about the kids, her day at work, our plans for the future. This hour, undisturbed by anything is a wonderful way to cap off the day.

I also reserve Sundays for my family. The whole day is theirs. I find my organised program for giving my family the attention it deserves is good not only for them, but also good for me. It gives me new energy.

Concentrate on the biggest qualities in the person [and don't worry about the little things].. do something special for your mate - and do it often.

Be likeable

Learn to remember names... be a comfortable person so there is no strain in being with you. Be an old-shoe kind of individual.. [Be] relaxed easy-going so that things do not ruffle you. Don't be egotistical. Cultivate the quality of being interesting so people will get something of value from their association with you. Study to get the "scratchy" elements out of your personality, even those which you may be unconscious.. heal misunderstanding. Drain off your grievances. Practice liking people until you learn to do so genuinely. Never miss an opportunity to say a word of congratulation upon anyone's achievement, or express sympathy in sorrow or disappointment.

Like people

No person is all good and no person is all bad.. now if we let our thinking go uncontrolled, we can find much to dislike in almost anyone. By the same token, if we manage our thinking properly.. we can find many qualities to like and admire in the same person. Thoughts breed like thoughts. There is real danger if you listen to negative comments about another person, you too will go negative toward that person. [excuse yourself or change the subject]. [If you have negative thoughts about someone] .. say stop... all you must do is think of one positive quality about the individual. In true chain reaction style, this one thought will lead to another and another. And you will be glad.

Get the Action Habit

Action feeds and strengthens confidence; inaction in all forms feeds fear. To fight fear, act. To increase fear - wait, put off, postpone.. Dread making a certain phone call? Make it, and dread disappears. Put if off, and it will get harder and harder to make.

The test of a successful person is not an ability to eliminate all problems before they arise, but to meet and work out difficulties when they do arise. We must be willing to make an intelligent compromise with perfection lest we wait forever before taking action.

Rather than wait for the spirit to move you, sit down and move your spirit. When you want to think, start writing or doodling or diagramming.

Seize the initiative. Be  a crusader. Pick up the ball and run. Be a volunteer. Show that you have the ability and ambition to do.

Turn Defeat into Victory

Study setbacks to pave your way to success. When you lose, learn and then go on to win next time. Research each setback. 

Remember, there is a good side in every situation. Find it. See the good side, and whip discouragement.

Blend persistence with experimentation. Stay with your goal but don't beat your head against a stone wall. Try new approaches. Experiment.

Goals

The quickest way to the end is to retire and do nothing. With nothing to live for, no goals, people waste away fast... No medecine in the world .. is as powerful in bringing about long life as is the desire to do something.

The only way to get full power ... is to do what you want to do... gain energy, enthusiasm, mental zip and even better health.

Get a clear fix on where you want to go. Create an image of yourself 10 years from now.

Set goals to get things done.. Progress is made one step at a time.. [Giving up smoking] An hour is easy; forever is difficult. When the hour is up, the smoker simply renews his resolution not to smoke for another hour. Later.. the period is extended to two hours, later to a day. Eventually the goal is won.

On occasion all of us have woken on a Saturday morning with no plans, no agenda.. On days like that we accomplish next to nothing. We aimlessly drift through the day, glad when it's finally over. But when we face the day with plan, we get things done.

Will this help take me where I want to go? If the answer is no, back off; if yes, press ahead.. Prepare to take detours in your stride.

Improvement

No matter what you do and regardless of your occupation, higher status, higher pay come from one thing: increasing the quality and quantity of your output.. Think, "I can do better" ..[and] ways to do better will appear.

Giving feedback

First I talk to them privately. Second, I praise them for what they are doing well, Third, I point out the one thing at the moment that they could do better and I help them find the way. Fourth I praise them again on their good points. When they walk out of this office, they have been reminded that they are not only pretty good, they can be even better.

Leadership

Trade minds with the people you want to influence.. "What would I think of this if I exchanged places with the other person?"

Apply the "be-human" rule.. show that you put other people first.. give other people the kind of treatment you like to receive. Ask yourself, "What is the human way to handle this?" Show interest in your subordinates' off-the-job accomplishments. Treat everyone with dignity. Remind yourself that the primary purpose in life is to enjoy it. [Go beyond the call of duty]. Whoever is under a man's power is under his protection, too.

Ask yourself what kind of club, community, school.. would it be if everyone it in acted like you. Think, talk, act, live the way you want your subordinates to .. and they will. Praise your subordinates to your supervisor by putting in plugs for them at every opportunity.

Push for progress.. think improvement in everything you do. Think high standards in everything you do.

Managed solitude pays off. Spend some time alone every day just for thinking [30min or more].

In the words of Publilius Syrus: A wise man will be master of his mind, a fool will be its slave.

Some great questions to ask yourself

Do I think progressively towards my work? Do I appraise my work with the "how can we do it better?" attitude?

Do I praise my company, the people in it, and the products it sells at every possible opportunity?

Are my personal standards with reference to the quantity and quality of my output higher now than three or six months ago?

Am I setting an excellent example for my subordinates, associates, and others I work with?

Is my family happier today than it was three or six months ago?

Am I following a plan to improve my family's standard of living?

Does my family have an ample variety of stimulating activities outside the home?

Do I set an example of "a progressive", a supporter of progress, for my children?

Can I honestly say I am a more valuable person today than three or six months ago?

Am I following an organised self-improvement program to increase my value to others?

Do I have forward-looking goals for at least five years in the future?

Am I a booster in every organisation or group to which I belong?

Have I done anything in the past six months that I honestly feel has improved my community..?

Do I boost worthwhile community projects rather than object, criticise, or complain?

Have I ever taken the lead in bringing about some worth-while improvement in my community?

Do I speak well of my neighbours and fellow citizens?

Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life is an interesting mix of a psychological treatise and a self-help book. Unlike many self-help books, this book is written by somebody with clear qualifications in the area. The author, Martin Seligman, is a professor of psychology at the University of Pennsylvania and a past president of the American Psychological Association. The concepts in the book were derived from well-designed studies of people and animals and were written up in reputable journals including Science.

The first part of the book focuses on the recent history of psychology and explains Seligman’s research into learned helplessness and his later shift into researching optimism. He describes multiple studies performed and the results, and how they were disputed by proponents of other theories. The most memorable study he describes was designed to show learned helplessness using dogs. The experiment used three dogs. The first was placed in a box that continued to give the dog electric shocks until it pressed a bar. The second dog was placed in a box that continued to give it electric shocks until the first dog pressed the bar in the other box. The third dog sat in a box with no electric shocks. In the final stage of the experiment, all three dogs were placed in boxes which gave electric shocks until the dogs jumped over to the other side of a partition. Across a large number of repetitions, the common behaviour was that the first dog quickly jumped over the partition and escaped the shock. The second dog (with learned helplessness) just lay on the bottom of the box being shocked. The third dog (the control) jumped over the partition and escaped as well. Similar experiments were performed with people and annoying sounds with similar results. Seligman also found that a small proportion of people and dogs did not give up and seemed immune to learned hopelessness. This later became the focus of his research into optimism.

An interesting observation made in the book is that previously, people used to have faith and trust in their community, church, country and government and this provided support in times of personal failure. However, in recent times, these supports are no longer present or as strong for many people. With rising work hours etc, community and neighbours are much less important than they were previously. Religion has declined and many people do not go to church in the western world. Governments have been caught out in lies and corruption (eg, Nixon, Howard). Faith in country has been eroded by globalisation and wars like Vietnam and Iraq. Simultaneously, marketing and consumer culture has focussed on elevating the importance of the self, personal choice and success. In this environment, where self is all important, and the supports of previous generations no longer apply, personal failure is far more debilitating and depressing than it has ever been before.

Later in the book, Seligman explains that everyone, when they have a set back or failure, are stopped in their tracks at least briefly. However, optimists recover faster and are able to act again sooner due to the way they explain the failure to themselves. When something bad happens to an optimist, they expect that the bad thing will be short lived (temporary), was caused by someone else (external) and only affects a partial area of their life (specific). Pessimists are the opposite. They expect bad things to go on for ever (permanent), were caused by them (personal) and will affect their whole life (pervasive). The opposite applies for each cognitive style as well – optimists see good things as permanent, personal and pervasive. Pessimists see good things as temporary, external and specific. Seligman also mentions that turning a thought over and over in one’s mind (rumination), with a pessimistic explanatory style leads to a magnification of the negative impact of the thought (often a factor in depression).

There are also a number of psychological tests in the book that aim to measure optimism. Variations on these were used successfully for selection of sales people who had to make cold calls at a large insurance company (MET Life). A high level of optimism meant that the sales people were able to keep on going despite multiple rejections.

In the last section of the book, Seligman talks about ways to dispute one’s internal dialogue and explain the set backs in life in less self-damaging ways (ie, temporary, external and specific). He suggests that your internal voice should not necessarily be given any more credence than an external voice as it can often be biased. He recommends disputing internal dialog with evidence, offering alternate explanations and analysing the implications. His other suggestion is to postpone thinking about the problem by distraction or writing it down and setting a time to think on it further.

Seligman finishes by discussing when optimism or pessimism is most appropriate. His theory is that optimism is generally a beneficial outlook as it allows one to be proactive and productive in the face of failure, to lead and to inspire and encourage others. However, his studies showed that mild pessimists had a more realistic world view than optimists. Hence in life critical situations, certain types of advisory and assurance roles, mild pessimism and the resulting realism was a better mindset to employ.

Overall, there are a lot of interesting ideas in the book. After reading it, I now think a lot more about my internal dialogue and pay more attention to the way I explain good and bad events to myself. I did find that the last part of the book about “Changing from Pessimism to Optimism” was a bit repetitive as it covers the same ground multiple times with emphasis on different areas such as relationships, work and teaching children. Although I found the historical information and descriptions of studies well written, convincing and interesting, I would have preferred a few less in the interests of concision. These small complaints aside, I would highly recommend reading this book, especially if you find yourself ruminating often on the difficulties in your life rather than enjoying the good parts and taking action.